Step 9 of 10 · Recover From Burnout & Exhaustion
What You Need vs. What You're Numbing With
What You Need vs. What You're Numbing With
Step 9 · 13 min
🎬 Video lesson coming soon
It's 10pm. You're exhausted. You know you should sleep.
Instead, you're scrolling. Or eating something you didn't plan to eat. Or opening another episode. Or another drink.
This is not weakness. This is a depleted system reaching for the fastest available relief.
But there is a difference — a crucial one — between what numbs the depletion and what actually fills it.
Numbing and restoring feel similar in the moment — but produce opposite effects over time
Common numbing strategies: screens, alcohol, food, overwork, oversleeping — all borrow against tomorrow
Identifying the underlying need beneath the numbing behaviour
The 'nutrient equivalent' practice: what does this numbing behaviour give me, and where can I get the real thing?
Brené Brown's research on numbing behaviours identified a critical insight: we cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb discomfort, we simultaneously numb joy, connection, and creativity. The relief is real — but it is borrowed against future wellbeing.
The most common numbing strategies for depleted people: - Screens and scrolling: provides stimulation without demand — low-friction escape from the tiredness of having to feel. But passive screen time increases cortisol and disrupts sleep architecture. - Food (beyond hunger): offers sensory comfort, warmth, the dopamine of anticipation. But when used as emotion regulation rather than nourishment, it builds shame and increases depletion. - Alcohol: a genuine short-term anxiolytic — it works. But alcohol suppresses REM sleep (the emotional processing stage), increases anxiety the following day (the rebound effect), and over time reduces the brain's natural capacity to self-calm. - Overwork as avoidance: staying productive feels virtuous, but work-as-numbing uses cognitive bandwidth that might otherwise process uncomfortable feelings, creating a cycle where rest feels impossible. - Oversleeping: the shutdown response — when the system is too overwhelmed to engage, collapsing feels like rest but is often dissociation from the depleted state.
None of these are moral failures. They are all attempts to regulate distress with available tools. The question is: what does each numbing behaviour actually offer — and is there a more direct route to that same thing?
Find a comfortable position · Read slowly
Think of your most common numbing behaviour right now.
Complete this sentence:
"When I [numbing behaviour], I am really trying to get ___."
(Relief? Comfort? Stimulation? Connection? A sense of control? A moment of not having to be responsible? Permission to stop?)
Now ask: where can I get the actual version of that thing?
For relief: vagal breathing, a bath, gentle movement. For comfort: genuine warmth — a kind conversation, warmth of a blanket, something beautiful. For permission to stop: say the words "I am stopping now. I am allowed to stop." For connection: reach for someone — even briefly.
One direct step toward the real thing.
Your numbing habits are not your enemies. They are imperfect friends trying to help. Thank them — and then look for what you actually need.